writing

yesterday I bought a copy of the magazine Artful Blogging.  The first story I read was about a photographer and the first thing she said was how she enjoys blogging but does not really enjoy writing to much.  I have been thinking about this all night and all day because I have always felt the same way and when I read her words I realized that I actually do LIKE writing!  YIKES!  My reason for not liking it is that I just never thought I was good at it and what I have realized on my cliched “journey to self discovery” is that it isn’t the fear of not being good at it but rather the fear of being judged for it.  It is quite scary to put your feelings and thoughts out there for anyone and everyone to read.  When I was in school I hardly EVER handed in my homework especially if it had to do with writing an opinion or goals for my life.   And sharing it with the class?  out of the question!!!  I am starting to think my thoughts and feelings deserve to be heard.  I was once told by someone, “Candace,  you need to learn to say and do the things you feel and be ok with how others feel about it.”  She told me that four years ago.  It was like a slap in the face.  I was a whoppin 30 years old and had never realized that I was the one with the problem.  It is ok if someone feels how they feel.  It is not ok for me to always think that everyone else’s feelings are all about me.  Let me tell you!  It takes practice when you have been doing something for so long. I have done my best to realize when I go back to that place and then try to except things.  My most recent form of practice is writing my blog posts. In the moments I feel afraid, I allow myself to accept the fear then push it to the side and then hit the post button.  Once I do it I feel the weight of the world being lifted off of me!    So although I may not be an award winning writer, I think i am not to shabby!  and by the way, my grammy told me I am REALLY good!

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
― Anaïs Nin

I received this quote the other day in a round about but not so round about way.  Thank you for sharing it my friend, Elena!  It brings tears to my eyes, it is exactly how I feel.